I know you’re probably thinking, “So, your mom did a barrel roll. Big whoop.” Well, what if I told you she did a barrel roll out of a moving car. Now that’s pretty interesting huh?
Well, let me be a bit more specific when I say that she did a barrel roll out of a car…that I was driving. That is not a story you hear everyday. So, let me begin the tale of my mother’s barrel role.
Now, this all took place about a year and a half ago. I had gotten my driving permit and was in the mood for some jalapeño Cheetos. We did not have any jalapeño Cheetos inside my house, so I decided to go on a tiny errand with my mom to the shoppette (the army’s version of a convenience store). In order to do that…I had to take the dreaded car.
The dreaded car that I talk about is my family’s old Volvo. I loathed this car with a burning passion. The gear would get stuck, the windshield wipers would go too slow, and only one blinker worked. This car was kind of shitty. Well, I narrowed my eyes as I got into the car with my mom, adjusted the mirrors, put the key into the ignition, turned, put the gear into drive, and hit the accelerator…however the car did not go forward. Instead it went backward.
The engine had stalled…and I was on the incline of a hill. The car began to slid down the hill, gradually at first. I freaked out, slammed my foot on the brake, but nothing happened. I promptly began to lose my shit. We were now going at about seven miles an hour. My mom was yelling at me to hit the brakes. I was yelling that I already was. Quickly, I scanned my rearview mirror, and found a telephone pole a few yards down the hill.
”Ma, I’m going to aim for-
Before I could tell her my plan, she opened the door of the car, undid her seatbelt, yelled, “I’ll be back!”, and proceeded to do a barrel role out of the car. She did not come back until the car hit the telephone pole.
To make a long story short, I crashed into the telephone pole instead of the neighbors’ house or their $50,000 car. My mom escaped the crash with a single cut on her hand. I had no injuries (besides a heightened sense of adrenaline and abandonment). As for the Volvo, it was sold within a month…and some say that it can still drive to this very day.